Timberdoodle: Rapelli Game

Educational game- read the reviews

Mom2Mom: Simplifying Your Holidays

Organizing your holidays with all kinds of free resources

Mom2Mom: One on One

Doing one-on-one with each of our children

Work At Home Mom- Part 3

Making work at home work

Shine Your Light

Cyrus International and Trafficking Hope

Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti

Read reviews on a great book for teens

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mom2Mom: Excuse Me, What Did You Just Say?

I really debated on what to write about in this post for today....there are a couple of different things God has really been dealing with my heart on.  Believe me, I'm no saint; when I say God is working on me....I mean, that He is trying to get through to me, and sometimes I am listening, but sometimes I am in denial/arguing.  Come on, Moms; how many times have you argued with Him?  Probably a whole lot more than you think.  When we are in that denial state....that's basically what we're doing.  See, there's this thing called pride in us.  We think we know what is best because we are, after all, Mom.  Well, honestly, that couldn't be further from the truth.....(I'm getting on a rabbit trail here; back to the real post)....:)

I feel so ill-equipped to write about this subject, but I asked God to tell me what to write, and this is what He keeps bringing me back to.  Lately, my husband and I have really been learning about communication in marriage.  Oh that word is such a complicated word.....communication.  Some days, I think we deal with so much miscommunication that there's not much room left for real, deep, heartfelt communication.  It's so easy for a stressful situation to quickly escalate to an even more stressful situation if real communication isn't taking place in a marriage.  It can lead to all kinds of frustrations, doubts, angry arguments, etc.  Believe me, I've been there when my husband's said one thing, and then I turned around and took that to mean something far from what he was even thinking.  Same for him; it goes both ways.  Misunderstandings are at the root of most of the conflict we experience in our marriage because we just don't take the time to really understand what the other person is saying; we just end up flying off the handle.   

What does this do to our children, though?  If they don't see real communication and love between their parents, how is that going to affect their future marriages?  (Although, I will say that I don't think it's bad for them to see their parents deal with conflict....BUT it needs to be dealt with in the right way for them to be able to learn from it and pick up on it).  

So, how can we achieve true, meaningful communication without all the petty arguments over all of the misunderstandings that occur?  Well, honestly, I am not the expert on this....but there is One Who is, and it's His Book that we need to go to, in order to get to the root of this problem.  

Let's say your husband says one thing, totally meaning something good, but you take it to mean something bad or derogatory....
Or maybe he comes home after you have had a particularly long day with the kids, and he pipes up about what a mess it is (he might mean this in a totally innocent way, nothing meant towards you).....
Let's say maybe he comments about his mom's cooking during a meal that you slaved over that hot stove to prepare.....
Or maybe he makes a comment on how he is out of underwear, and you just want to retort back that if he wants laundry, he could lift a hand to help too.....
Believe me, that list could go on and on, huh?  I know....

What if, instead of retorting back with a million things we have to get off our chest, including anything wrong he has ever done, we just simply take it to God and let Him work through us to produce longsuffering?  Wow, humbling concept, huh?  Actually let God work in me?  Let him produce longsuffering in me?  It could definitely cut down on a lot of arguments.  You see, Galatians 5:22 says,  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness (NKJV).  Longsuffering means, enduring injury, trouble, or provocation long and patiently (Dictionary.com).  Wow, so even if we are enduring provocation, true provocation, we would need to endure it with longsuffering?!  Whoa!  Back the comfort wagon up!  Kinda puts perspective on all the little misunderstandings that come my way.

When it comes to financial matters, the list could grow even larger. Financial matters are a huge stress factor in a marriage, BUT they don't have to be if we let God in.  What if, instead of diving right in and retorting back, we just took a moment to ask our husbands what they truly meant (in a totally non-defensive manner)?  What if we took that time to ask his thoughts on something, his feelings?  Can you imagine the lines of communication that would open up?  It would not only open up communication, but trust as well.  That trust we have in our husbands would grow even stronger.  

Ephesians 4:1-2 says: I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love (NKJV).

I heard someone say something the other day, and it really shook me up.  How do we treat our family, the ones we love the most?  Do we treat them just like we treat everyone else?  Do we treat people at church or school better than we even treat our family?  Do we say things, that we would never dream of saying to someone else, to the ones we love the most?   
There's so much talk about the Titus 2 woman and the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31....and these are truly outlines for the Christian woman to live by, but they hold no more importance than Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the spirit.  This fruit is what God wants to manifest in our lives.  Longsuffering is one, and I think it's truly one of the most important ingredients to a Godly, successful, loving, trusting, happy marriage.

Love, Mel
You can catch more of Mel over at Real Heart Prints.


M and M October 15, 2009 at 2:24 PM  

Great post Mel! I'm gonna link back to it in my personal blog this Saturday.

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